Mark Zuckerberg is completely ignorant of what the people who actually use Facebook are looking for in their social networking experience. It never really occurred to me that the youngest billionaire in history has absolutely no idea what the consumers of his product want.
Luckily for Mark Zuckerberg he's got me; a mad mother f*ing genius of social marketing. Yeah maybe I made that last part up. He ain’t got me, but he should. Punk should pay me for the brilliant deluge of nerd tears im going to force his tear ducts to unleash upon his sorry ass face. Maybe if he heeds the peoples suggestions, Facebook won't end up the like Justin Timberlake Co-owned MySpace... but really is it any wonder MySpace failed?
Beta Test: First. We the pasty nerds who tan in front of a glowing LCD monitor would like to beta test all of your so called improvements before you make them live on without even a hint of forewarning. You seen the movie Gladiator? Yeah Russell Crowe has no flippin’ idea that tigers are gonna pop up outta the Colosseum floor and maul his Spainardian ass. But then he thinks about it for a moment, oh yeah the guy right there who’s trying to put an ax in my brain is called TIGRIS.
If you don’t understand the analogy well, then you’re a douchebag for having made me explain it right here. When we think of Facebook we SHOULD think of some bullshit idea that they have to make things spice it up, but that usually slips our minds until its too late and they are just mauling our faces with a friggin Tiger! (I honestly would prefer to be mauled by something more cute and cuddly like a Panda or maybe a Penguin) anyway I digress forward towards our goal!
We the people would like chat to actually function. We want to be able to see EVERYONE who is online. We would also like to be able to organize our friends into lists, so that we may actually talk to whom we wish. For example: I have a list titled “Women whom I would give my left testicle to tussle under the sheets with.” You see these are clearly people that I desire greatly to speak with. So what if they don’t have any idea who I am!
Newsfeeds: Secondly we would like our newsfeed to have a few different tabs, but we want them to WORK! Heres some ideas of mine.
Top news: This was good leave it how it used to be, it was useful
Most Recent: Yeah leave it how it was it was fine. Except remove all those damned who friended who pieces of crap. Give those their own tab that we never have to look at.
Listed News: Lists of friends that we’ve made so we can more easily access what the people that we put into a certain list are up to, this way we can filter out all the BS that we don’t want to see. For example: My “Stupid Douchebag boys who think they’re cool” list. This way I could simply click on that tab in the Newsfeed and see what these jackwagons are up to so that I may spam their posts about drinking a half gallon of 151 with Troll Faces and Rick Rolls. That should teach em to have a real social life.
Groups: Next we don’t want to be added to groups just by any person. I’m sorry, as much fun as it is to be added to the group “I have a TWIHARDON” (That means hard-on for Twilight.) and make fun of them, by explaining that its creepy as hell for a hundred year old man to watch you sleep is. Please Facebook its not that hard give us an Accept, ignore, or REMOVE THIS RETARD FROM MY FRIENDSLIST FOR REQUESTING THAT I JOIN THIS GROUP option.
Anyway thats about all I can think of for now. Leave comments, questions or concerns below.
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